A few weeks ago I posted a Q&A on my Instagram about any relationship struggles you were having. I have the lovely David Fox from Fox Psychology to answer your relationship concerns.
I know Adrian and I have had our ups and downs over the past 17 years but it takes communication, awareness and most of all love to work things out. Actually did I mention hard work as well? Some months and years seem more carefree while others take that little more care and sometimes there's that huge gap where you think, are we ever going to get back side by side on this wonderful journey of life!
Back to David Fox, he is a Sydney-based author, speaker and registered psychologist with a master’s degree in psychology. So I asked him if he could help answer our general concerns we experience throughout our marriage and various relationships.
David is highly skilled and experienced in couples and relationship counselling and is a Gottman certified couples counsellor. He has worked with couples presenting with a wide range of issues such as communication difficulties, trust issues, loss of connection and conflict for over ten years. His passion for working with couples and helping them through their most difficult periods comes from his own personal struggles as well as years of working with couples to identify how to get back on track.
David’s other passion is teaching people individually and within organisations how to help themselves thrive and overcome mental health difficulties – especially anxiety and depression.
He is the author of the books Change your Life!Hope and Healing for Anxiety and Depression and Black Belt Mind: Overcoming anxiety, depression and anti depressants which are available on iBooks, Amazon and Book Depository.
Q: There’s no more affection or intimacy, married 20+ years
A: This is unfortunately a very common occurrence and experience for so many couples. Dr. John Gottman has spent his entire career researching what the couples who he calls “The Masters” do to maintain their fondness, admiration and affection towards each other. One of the striking bits of research that he references is a worldwide study looking at couples who were still happy and intimate after 10 or 20 years and one of the things that they had done on an almost daily basis is kiss…for 7 seconds! That is not a peck on the lips or cheek. They also maintained their playfulness.
One of the things that I do with couples is to understand where resentments have remained dormant because they have never been processed properly in order to leave them behind for good. Affection and intimacy fall away when we forget that relationships are built on genuine friendship, admiration and fun. When he lose the fun, when we don’t encourage each other’s growth and talk about dreams that we have as individuals and as a couple, we are likely to lose affection and intimacy.
It may be time to start with what Gottman describes as “updating your love maps”. A love map refers to the mental space that we have for understanding our partner’s world. You may have been together for 10 or 20 years and we think we know everything that there is to know about our partners, but we would be wrong on two counts.
One, we are not the same people that we were 10 or 20 years ago. Our preferences may change, our goals and even some of our values (what’s important to us) may have changed. It is important to create time together as a couple to talk about these changes. The second, is that there are probably so many bits and pieces, from our partners lives that we don’t actually know. Getting to know each other again with the same curiosity from when we first met by asking different questions (there is a Gottman App to help with this), can help to give you a renewed sense of friendship and connection. When you do this and find time to have fun together, the likelihood of affection and intimacy coming back into your relationship is high.
Q: Post baby rut. Some days it’s like co-parenting in a busy world with no lust.
A: This is another very common trap that so many young couples fall into. It’s like no-one tells us when we have a baby that the very nature of our relationship is going to change. If couples are not keenly aware that there is a major trap called “taking our eyes off our relationship” during the first year or two of having children, then the fun, spontaneity and intimacy is going to suffer. We certainly live in very busy times with both parents often having to work but even if one parent works and the other is running the household and looking after the little ones, the physical, mental and emotional load that is added from having a baby can be immense. This does not mean that we have to just accept this state of affairs. Every couple can find 10 minutes to connect with each other, to stop their world from spinning for a brief period of time and remember who they are as a couple. One of the most important things to do to maintain intimacy is to make it a priority. If you don’t both consciously and jointly decide that the intimacy in your relationship needs attention and find ways of exploring your sexuality together, it may suffer over time.
There are some great resources such as the Gottman App which includes different decks of cards – questions to ask each other about sexual fantasies etc which can be a “great night” in with your partner. All you do is open the app and shake your phone to get another question. There are also books that you can read such as The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand – which can help teach you eastern practices to enhance your physical connection and intimacy. Depending on the levels of support around and your financial situation, try to book a night every two weeks at least to go out for dinner to reconnect and enjoy slowing this down.
Q: My husband has a hard time sharing his feelings, how can I help him express himself?
A: There are many reasons why men struggle to express their emotions. Some are obviously cultural in nature and others can be due to events from childhood where showing emotion was actively discouraged. What this can mean is that showing emotion becomes unsafe and much too vulnerable. One of the most important things for any difficult conversation is to ensure that both of you are aware and happy for the conversation to go ahead at a time that works well for you both. Practising having conversations where you try to name the feeling or emotion that you are having and why you think you’re having it can be a great starting point. In sessions with couples, I use a sheet which lists a whole range of emotions that couples can look at and then try to accurately name what they are feeling. The most important thing to do is to approach the activity without too much seriousness. Make it a learning game. If you both agree to come from a place of curiosity and ask questions like: “What are you feeling? “What do you think is contributing to this feeling?”, “What does it feel like in your body?”, “Is there anything I can do to help?”. Ultimately, it will be up to him to let you know how you can help but as long as the desire is there to connect on a deeper level with each other, then you will start to feel much closer to each other over time.
Q: My wife and I haven’t been affectionate, and she sees no problem with it
A: One of the tools that I use almost every time that I work with couples is a questionnaire which looks at a variety of the most important needs that most people have when they are in a romantic relationship. I get couples to complete the assessment for themselves by rating how important these needs are to them and how they feel when the need is not met. They are then tasked to rank these needs into order to create their top 5. They then share this either together or they share it in session. There are three important questions we need to answer: 1. Do I know what my partner’s needs are? 2. Do I know specifically how to meet that need? 3. Am I willing to meet it? The last one is obviously very telling. You may have a different level of need for affection and that is okay, but if it is important to you and causing you to feel disconnected from your wife, I would suggest sitting down together at a time and place that will be conducive to having the conversation and ensuring that you both avoid criticising the other. Do not make it personal, just talk about what you are struggling with and why it is important to you i.e. your intention is to have a closer connection again.
Q: We fight over the most minuscule things, it’s a daily challenge trying to be happy
A: The first thing I would look at if you came to a session would be if there are any underlying resentments or additional stressors that are causing the fights over the small things. Sometimes we get into arguments over small things because have never really sat down to resolve the bigger things. Having an open and honest discussion about things that may have been bothering us but we have been too afraid to discuss can help. Dr. John Gottman describes how a couple can either be in positive or negative sentiment override. This is about whether you generally feel more positive or negative in the relationship. If you are in negative override, then even something that appears to be quite neutral could be blown out of proportion and feel like World War 3! It is so important to learn to pick our battles and just as important to learn to avoid criticism and defensiveness in the way we communicate. Being more open and sharing when we are feeling anxious, tired, hungry, stressed, overwhelmed or frustrated can help diffuse how we react to each other around the smaller triggers. Realising when you have now both become sensitised to having had many arguments over a short period of time is also very important. Decide to give each other an argument holiday and pretend for a while that you really like and care about each other! Remember, usually it is our ego that feels the need to be right in an argument. Practice quieting the ego and ask yourself: “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?
Q: Not sure if he’s not answering because he is actually busy or because he’s just not interested.
A: If you are in the beginning stages of getting to know someone and you don’t sense that there is a reciprocal desire to connect and respond to messages or calls then I would say it’s a possible red flag. Sometimes, people play silly games which can be because of their attachment style. If someone has an avoidant style, they may shy away from showing their true feelings and avoid getting into something too quickly. If they have an anxious style then they may be much more forward about how they feel and want to engage a lot more. Of course, it is important to understand how busy someone is in reality. If he works in retail and is not allowed to be on his phone for most of the day, that is fair enough for not replying much or answering each time you call. However, if you call or message and you don’t get a response overnight, I would say that is a flag for sure. As I always say, it takes a few second to send a message and say when he is free to chat or message. Try some reverse psychology, don’t call or message and see how long he goes without contacting you!
Thank you so much David for taking time to answer Dani & Co. questions and we cannot wait to do it again really soon.
Always remember to;
"Check yourself. Sometimes you're the toxic person. Understand that you make mistakes. You hurt people. Apologise. That's growth, understanding that there are things you need to work on. That's enlightenment, striving for continuous improvement, instead of faking perfection."
xxDani
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Happy Wednesday and welcome to another brand new day and new start. How can we all reset today? Let’s start with the simple 8 Laws Of Health. ⠀
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1. Nutrition fresh is best, organic is preferable and a high plant based diet is desirable 👌🏼 ⠀
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2. Exercise – move your body at least 15 minutes every day. I love those Tabata workouts that give you a real sweat workout, or walking, bike riding but make sure you elevate that heart rate so all the blood, muscles and bones get some loving too!⠀
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3. Water – Hydration! Hydration! Hydration! Both internally and externally. Drink up to 8 glasses of water and try the hot and cold shower methods to also energise your internal organs to bring blood flow in all the right places. Google Hydrotherapy for more ideas. ⠀
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4. Sunshine – Get outside 🌞 I’m out there every day chasing my favourite Vitamin D. It’s known to enhance the function of immune cells which defends the body from foreign, invading organisms, promoting protective immunity while maintaining tolerance to self. ⠀
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5. Temperance – This is my “keep it simple sweetie” mantra every day. Allowing our mental and physical wellbeing to keep aligned with our life, the yin and yang balance, not going overboard with the good things and eliminating anything harmful to your body.⠀
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6. Air – Another reason to get outside for some fresh air, deep breaths (train your breathing, box breathing is great way to calm yourself) and get plenty of oxygen! eg: daily exercise, iron rich foods, water etc…⠀
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7. Rest – You got it! Not just at night (and yes 8hrs of sleep per night would be preferred; what a great health Law!) but take time for you every day, put your feet up, make some tea and learn to give yourself some R&R. ⠀
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8. Trust – Remember you’ve got this. Have faith that you have done your very best and believe you can do anything #dreambigbelievemakeithappen 💫 ⠀
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Keep to these 8 Healthy “Laws” and just watch how the 7 letters change your life.
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🌿h e a l___t h y__s e l f 🌿⠀
xxDani
]]>I am truly blessed for all the Kindred Spirits in my life past, present and future. It comforts me to know whenever I reach a roadblock I will have my angel "have my back". You know the ones that really have your back, times two, in case I fall (after they've had my back) and then I crash and burn again.....they're right there again!
Have you ever had that strange, coincidental experience where someone reached out to you right out of the blue, exactly when you were feeling totally alone?
That person might be your kindred spirit. Kindred spirits have the uncanny ability to just know when one of their kindred spirits is in desperate need of help.
There might be moments where you will feel that no one in the world cares about you or your problems.
In those moments, your kindred spirit will feel that they are needed and come rushing to your aid. Even if all you need is a hug.
2) They Will Make You Move ForwardThere are friends who are content with us doing nothing with our lives—sticking to the same routines week after week and month after month, drinking and partying and throwing away our time.
Then there are friends who actually care; people who grab you by the shoulders and say, “What are you doing with your life?”
If you find yourself struggling to move forward, your kindred spirit is there to give that boost you need to get your momentum going.
They understand exactly where you’re coming from, probably because they’ve experienced similar situations.
So they know the best way to help and to get you to where you want to be.
3) They Will Help You LearnA kindred spirit is never afraid to tell you the truth, especially if it means teaching you a vital lesson you need to learn.
Other people will hold back the harsh truth because most people would rather spare themselves the awkward conversation or the reality of hurting you.
This is because they don’t really care about you; they care about themselves and protecting themselves from feeling uncomfortable.
But a kindred spirit truly cares. If you need someone to tell you the truth about something, your kindred spirit will be there, ready to lay it on.
4) You Have Similar PrinciplesThis isn’t about politics, left or right.
This is about the way you view life and humanity, and while you and your friends may have your general agreements and disagreements on certain issues, your kindred spirit will generally understand the world the same way that you do.
The bigger things in life will never be a point of contention—you live your lives the same way, which is why you connect as intimately as you do.
5) You Boost Each OtherYou and your kindred spirit are like two adjacent pieces of a puzzle. You both make each other more whole.
Your interests, skills, and passions may not be exactly the same, but they find ways to complement each other.
Your kindred spirit is someone with whom you can easily go out with and have a great time, or someone you can start a business with and find immense success.
You guys will fit each other in more ways than one.
6) You Have Mutual RespectNo good relationship can exist without respect coming from both sides.
And this respect transcends politics and petty opinions—no matter what you say, your kindred spirit will understand where you are coming from and give you the respect you deserve.
Both of you know that support and encouragement are what the other person needs, which is why you will never be quick to judge your kindred spirit.
7) Understanding Beyond the Need for WordsIt’s almost like you understand exactly what each other is thinking.
It’s hard to describe feelings. They’re complex, flying balls of energy that can’t be put into words.
But somehow, you “get” your partner’s feelings, even if you can’t articulate them.
A simple look into each other’s eyes says everything you need to know.
And this is the same in different social situations and circumstances. It’s like you know your partner’s uncomfortable before they know they are themselves!
It’s a special connection that can’t be put into words.
8) You Always Have Each Other’s BacksIt doesn’t matter what’s happening and why it happened, you always support each other.
Everyone goes through tribulations that hard to overcome, but you both make sure that you don’t have to do it alone.
You provide solutions, support and unconditional love that’s impossible to break.
Let’s be honest, life is a bit of a game sometimes. But it’s a game that you want your kindred spirit to win.
9) You Grow and Learn From Each OtherIf you’re growing, then you’re not really living, right?
Kindred spirits move forward in life and grow together.
The relationship naturally grows. From dating to seeing each other exclusively to living together, to marrying each other and having a family (if that’s what they desire).
It happens slowly. Why? Because the strongest relationships take time and build.
Kindred spirits know this. Otherwise, people fall into the trap of “needy love” and move too fast. A relationship based on neediness won’t survive.
Therefore, kindred spirits don’t “need” each other. They grow individually, which means releasing their unhealthy attachments and understanding their own self-worth.
When you’re both confident in who you are and you don’t suffocate the love that exists between the two of you, the potential of the relationship grows naturally and beautifully.
10) You Make Each Other Feel Complete
There are parts of you that you’ve always known are weaknesses.
Perhaps you suffer a little too much from anxiety. Or you can’t cook. Whatever it is, it’s like your kindred is good at those things. They love cooking and they’re cooler than the cucumber even in tense situations!
Likewise, your energy and passion is something that ignites them and gets them going. You compliment each other perfectly.
So there you have it! Thank you Hack Spirit for sharing these tips with us today and may you too be that special person in someone's life.
Even if it is a smile, you never know what someone is going through and your smile would be exactly the love they would need to see and feel.
Happy Saturday, I hope you are keeping yourself healthy and entertained during this Covid19 self isolation. What a great way for us ALL to stop from a world that was getting too busy and missing the simple things in life.
You can read more of my New World Order post here.
Much love,
xxDani
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Voted best beach in Australia 🌴☀️🌊🌺🐚
We are selling!!!! A rare and exclusive opportunity to acquire shares in “The Hideaway” Cabarita Beach @thehideawaycabaritabeach
With 22 x bell tents, this is next level glamping at its finest. It is equipped with full functioning kitchen and bar facilities, break out areas, central fire pit (or your own if preferred). Toilet and bathrooms are beautifully styled making for a very comfortable stay.
The business is trading and already taking advantage of our growing region and its delights. This exciting glamping village will give couples, families, groups, weddings, wellness retreats, surf camps and more, a different type of experience that only Cabarita Beach can provide.
The opportunity will give you 4.4% ownership stake in both the business and land. Our initial investment was $130,000 which we put in approximately 18 months ago.
A change of circumstances AKA travelling the world with our @nomadz6 👫👬👭 in 2020 means we need to relinquish our stake, making our loss your gain.
**Amazing long term capital gain potential with strong bookings**
Please call Adrian 0477712782 or send him an email.
Share and comment with any of your family and friends who would love this slice of paradise in their investment portfolio.
XxDani
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I read this over on Facebook from Chris Kemp and had to share. I would love your thoughts around this silent tragedy that is unfolding today in our homes, and concerns our most precious jewels: our children.
"Our children are in a devastating emotional state! In the last 15 years, researchers have given us increasingly alarming statistics on a sharp and steady increase in childhood mental illness that is now reaching epidemic proportions:
Statistics do not lie:
• 1 in 5 children have mental health problems
• A 43% increase in ADHD has been noted
• A 37% increase in adolescent depression has been noted
• There has been a 200% increase in the suicide rate in children aged 10 to 14
What is happening and what are we doing wrong?
Today's children are being over-stimulated and over-gifted with material objects, but they are deprived of the fundamentals of a healthy childhood, such as:
• Emotionally available parents
• Clearly defined limits
• Responsibilities
• Balanced nutrition and adequate sleep
• Movement in general but especially OUTDOORS
• Creative play, social interaction, unstructured game opportunities and boredom spaces
Instead, in recent years, children have been filled with:
• Digitally distracted parents
• Indulgent and permissive parents who let children "rule the world" and whoever sets the rules
• A sense of right, of deserving everything without earning it or being responsible for obtaining it
• Inadequate sleep and unbalanced nutrition
• A sedentary lifestyle
• Endless stimulation, technological nannies, instant gratification and absence of boring moments
What to do?
If we want our children to be happy and healthy individuals, we have to wake up and get back to basics. It is still possible! Many families see immediate improvements after weeks of implementing the following recommendations:
• Set limits and remember that you are the captain of the ship. Your children will feel more confident knowing that you have control of the helm.
• Offer children a balanced lifestyle full of what children NEED, not just what they WANT. Don't be afraid to say "no" to your children if what they want is not what they need.
• Provide nutritious food and limit junk food.
• Spend at least one hour a day outdoors doing activities such as: cycling, walking, fishing, bird / insect watching
• Enjoy a daily family dinner without smartphones or distracting technology.
• Play board games as a family or if children are very small for board games, get carried away by their interests and allow them to rule in the game
• Involve your children in some homework or household chores according to their age (folding clothes, ordering toys, hanging clothes, unpacking food, setting the table, feeding the dog etc.)
• Implement a consistent sleep routine to ensure your child gets enough sleep. The schedules will be even more important for school-age children.
• Teach responsibility and independence. Do not overprotect them against all frustration or mistakes. Misunderstanding will help them build resilience and learn to overcome life's challenges,
• Do not carry your children's backpack, do not carry their backpacks, do not carry the homework they forgot, do not peel bananas or peel oranges if they can do it on their own (4-5 years). Instead of giving them the fish, teach them to fish.
• Teach them to wait and delay gratification.
• Provide opportunities for "boredom", since boredom is the moment when creativity awakens. Do not feel responsible for always keeping children entertained.
• Do not use technology as a cure for boredom, nor offer it at the first second of inactivity.
• Avoid using technology during meals, in cars, restaurants, shopping centers. Use these moments as opportunities to socialize by training the brains to know how to work when they are in mode: "boredom"
• Help them create a "bottle of boredom" with activity ideas for when they are bored.
• Be emotionally available to connect with children and teach them self-regulation and social skills:
• Turn off the phones at night when children have to go to bed to avoid digital distraction.
• Become a regulator or emotional trainer for your children. Teach them to recognise and manage their own frustrations and anger.
• Teach them to greet, to take turns, to share without running out of anything, to say thank you and please, to acknowledge the error and apologise (do not force them), be a model of all those values you instill.
• Connect emotionally - smile, hug, kiss, tickle, read, dance, jump, play or crawl with them."
Thanks again Chris for sharing this post as it resonates with me so well and we try everyday to engage and be present with our amazing 4 children.
For more statistics on mental health here are some great resources;
HAPPY SUNDAY!
xxDani
Talk about spritz! Today marks our 20th day sober together. I have personally been sober for 33 days and feeling fabulous!!! In fact I’m so happy, my friend Di is helping us out with our challenge this month!!! Offering 20% discount off her new nunchi range (use dani20) so we feel fresh and smell delicious. What does nunchi even mean?
Nunchi, sometimes noonchi, is a Korean concept signifying the subtle art and ability to listen and gauge others' moods. In Western culture, nunchi could be described as the concept of emotional intelligence. It is of central importance to the dynamics of interpersonal relationships.
Who’s Di? I will let her do the honour of introducing herself and her beautiful family.
“I’m Di, mother of three girls, grandmother of two girls, wife and creator of nunchi. The creation of Nunchi began two years ago but is the result of a whole life time of experiences.
I spent most of my career working within my husband’s advertising and graphic design agency. It was here I learnt the value and importance of branding, good design
and the process involved in the development of a product.
However, it was a major mental health breakdown that steered me toward the world of yoga, meditation and mindfulness to develop life skills to stay healthy. I spent years studying and teaching in these areas and became intrigued with natural ways to aid my personal mental health.
Everyday mindfulness became my ‘go to’ practice. I didn’t need to go anywhere to do it, I could just make it a part of how I lived each day. I also had a passion for the emotional benefits of essential oils and I began experimenting with different combinations.
It was when I found a way to make essential oil sprays that I realised each time I sprayed myself with these blends, I was taking a ‘mindful moment’ and the aroma was that extra reminder for me to breathe deeply and slowly.
This was the planting of the seed for the nunchi range of mood sprays. Once the idea was born, the rest just flowed naturally. It always felt as though nunchi had a life force of its own and I was just there to guide it.
Each nunchi blend was created after much research and the help of a team of friends and essential oil lovers that I now call my ‘sniff team’. We spent many hours blending and experimenting with essential oils until we were all happy with the aromatic result. I believe this is why each nunchi fragrance is divine, they have been created by a community over time.
With my formulas now in hand, I make each spray myself, in my home.
My added gift of love is to infuse the purified water with a crystal to further the healing benefits of each spray. I use premium grade essential oils and will source them from Australia where possible. I regularly travel to Byron Bay and have found a supplier who is creating Australian essential oils grown in the surrounding hinterland. Byron Bay is known for its healing energy and I believe essential oils from this area are very powerful.
The Body Oils have been the latest addition to the nunchi range as I have developed a love of using body oils myself and wanted to create some with the combined benefits of essential oils. Taking the time to nourish and nurture yourself is another important part of staying balanced and healthy.
These oils are 100% organic and have no additives, so important when putting something onto our largest organ, our skin.
Nunchi is now available on line and in various selected stockists around Australia. It is also being sold in a divine Yoga school in Melbourne called Warrior One, which I am really excited about. I believe that when something is created from the heart, this intention will be passed onto everyone who uses that product. This is my intention with nunchi, and I sincerely hope that nunchi helps people bring calming, mindful moments into their day.”
Thank you so much Di and it’s amazing we connected together. Our love and life philosophy is so on point and it’s the reason why we are able to do the work we do for people.
*This is not a paid or sponsored post*
Happy Friday and please use my Dani20 discount code at checkout when you order your Nunchi self care pack. You’ll absolutely love it!
BTW how ironic when writing this post at my local cafe this sign appeared!!! Hahahaha love how all the stars align....
xxDani
]]>This has been a massive topic this month, as we embark on an alcohol free festive season. It's a huge topic and I would like to share some useful facts, references and tips to help you or anyone you know that may have a little bit too much to drink.
Drinking alcohol while taking antidepressants is generally not advised because alcohol can make depression worse. It can also increase the side effects of some antidepressants, such as drowsiness, dizziness and co-ordination problems. Not to mention feeling tired, lack of energy and not having any motivation to do anything.
Alcohol is a depressant, which means any amount you drink can make you more likely to get the blues. Drinking a lot or regularly can harm your brain and lead to depression. When that happens, you're more likely to feel down, particularly if your genes are wired for depression.
When alcohol enters the bloodstream, it also affects the nervous system and brain cells, and cause brain functions to produce more neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine. When a large amount of alcohol is consumed, high levels of serotonin can be produced, and normal behaviour is impaired.
When we become regular drinkers (let's say we catch up with a work colleague over lunch with a glass of wine, beers with mates after work at the pub or weekend drinks catch up with friends etc...) it lowers the levels of serotonin in your brain – this is the chemical that helps to regulate your mood.
Here is how alcohol and drug addiction effects our serotonin and dopamine.
Researchers say people who experience anxiety or depression are twice as likely to be heavy or problem drinkers. For others, drinking came first, so it may be a root cause of their anxieties.
If you drink heavily and regularly you’re likely to develop some symptoms of depression. It’s that good old brain chemistry at work again. Regular drinking lowers the levels of serotonin in your brain – a chemical that helps to regulate your mood.
Drinking heavily can also affect your relationships with your partner, family and friends. It can impact on your performance at work. These issues can also contribute to depression.
If you use a drink to try and improve your mood or mask your depression, you may be starting a vicious cycle…
Warning signs that alcohol is affecting your mood include:
For more information visit Beyond Blue or your local health professional. We also have access to an awesome Addiction Expert Georgia Foster in our Dani & Co. Facebook group page and over on Instagram. Send over any questions you may have to help you throughout our challenge.
I am here to support you in way I can with loads of resources and tools, experts and professionals.
Will you join me sober for this festive season?
xxDani
]]>You can read why I am giving up alcohol permanently here but in the meantime I want to share helpful resources and tools to get you all prepared and share your story using my #danidetoxdecember hashtag across whatever social platform you use. Share with us what you are doing and connect us all with helpful ways we can add more support together.
For today I would like to share these 10 awesome tips to stay dry (thanks Dry Space) for this festive season and forever.
I hope this helps you as we prepare for one of the biggest challenges you will ever do in your life! Guess what? You will FEEL AMAZING!!!!
For more one-on-one support, head over to our Dani & Co. Facebook page where I will bring experts and more tools to help us along the way.
Otherwise watch me daily on Instagram and remember;
Happy Monday!
xxDani
]]>We live very close to the Byron Shire and there is a ‘Project Turn Around’ program busy fundraising to purchasing the Alcolizer machine.
“Byron Shire has consistently had the highest DUI rate in all of NSW for more years than not over the last 20 years. Using these machines gives us a very visual way to show people what their BAC levels are, and when people can actually see their blood alcohol level they often decide they will not drive and instead make safer choices,” BUDDI’ CDAT’s Nicqui Yazdi said. “We ask them to turn around and wait or make alternative transport arrangements if they are over the limit. If they decide to wait, we can advise them to eat food, drink water and come back to and re-test before attempting to drive again. This service is often the very first time that people have had the opportunity to test their alcohol levels, outside of potentially having been pulled up by Police, so it is a very positive activity.”
This topic is very close to my heart. My family is renowned for alcoholism, my father in fact nearly died from liver disease and was on the liver transplant waiting list. I have people I surround myself with that are regular drinkers and then I simply started.
Living a healthy lifestyle has given me such a gift, I am full of life and energy, I have four healthy and beautiful babies but the hang overs are no longer welcome in my life. In fact I was never a drinker and I used to amaze myself why I would even bother with one drink. So I had to have two and then the two didn't give me that buzz so it would be a bottle of champagne, wine or vodka. It was wrong town!!!!
My light bulb moment was when I wasn't making good choices (in fact, without freaking you out too much I felt my "future self" say;
"Why did you do this?"
The icing on the cake was my kids when they constantly gave me feedback and of course it took me a few days to get over the binge weekend or midweek celebrations. So I simply decided NO MORE! It wasn't getting me anywhere, I was wasting money but most importantly my health and the role model I am in my children's eyes.
I wanted to share my story because "I got sucked in!" but I am truly grateful I was able to get out of it. I see so many people getting tipsy and/or drunk that they even convince themselves that they're not drunk after 3-4 or 5 wine glasses, beers or whatever their poison of choice may be.
I'll never forget someone tellng me they didn't have a drinking problem when they woke up in their very own vomit bed, or when stumbling home and falling wondering what their bruises were from in the morning. One night I went out and my girlfriend had her wine spilt by accident and she was ready for a fist fight!
Too many stories to share and different folks with different strokes living life on their terms, unfortunately we simply need to support them however if they get out of hand, intervention is a must!
We can't forget we are all part of the same world and lifestyle upbringing that teaches us alcohol is okay to drink. Paul Churchill nails it in his TED talk when he was told not to take drugs, crack, cocaine or meth at college but he never got told not to drink alcohol.
He highlights in his talk how his life turns into a Total Shit Show when he drank alcohol!!!
Problem Drinker vs a Social Drinker
In Australia 5,500 people die from alcohol related injuries, illness and accidents. A whopping 157,000 people are hospitalised due to alcohol. The cost to the community from alcohol-related harm is estimated to exceed $15.3 billion.
That's huge and so disturbing for something that we think is just a drink here and there but never realise it's damaging our lifestyle. Potentially killing us slowly and effecting loved ones around us.
Of course the "problems" and reason why people turn to the bottle are the usual suspects. Let it be a sense of disconnection, unemployment, abuse or trauma, poor mental health, or a feeling of having no clear future – combine this with availability (it's right next door to our local supermarkets every day!) and not to mention the social circle we associate ourselves with, are all strong risk factors for harm due to alcohol.
How can we overcome this need to drink alcohol or minimise it?
If you know anyone in your circle of friends or family members that have a regular habit of drinking and you feel concerned, reach out to Alcohol and Drug Foundation or google for alcohol support in your local city and country.
For me, I am totally going off alcohol. No more entertaining the thought it's cool to catch up over a vino or celebrate success with a bottle of champagne. I am doing a detox December challenge if you would like to join me (Dani & Co. Facebook group page) if you would like to ease yourself in and prepare for this week.
I know, I know it's the festive season and there will be Christmas parties and events galore but hey! then there's New Years, Australia Day weekend, someone's birthday, wedding, bbq the list goes on......
YOU IN?
xxDani
]]>"Dani I really want to quit but my friends are such huge drinkers and all we do on the weekend is party at home or go out to clubs and bars. I really need your help."
I sent this reply back instantly with an action plan for them to write down the reasons why they want to quit drinking alcohol and how important it was to write down their future goals.
"Example #1: My drinking goal
I will stop drinking alcohol.
My quit date is __________.
Example #2: My drinking goal
I will stop drinking on weekdays, starting as of __________.
I will limit my Saturday and Sunday drinking to no more than three drinks per day or five drinks per weekend.
After three months, I will cut back my weekend drinking even more to a maximum of two drinks per day and three drinks per weekend.
OR GO COLD TURKEY LIKE ME!!!!!"
Basically we need to find our reason behind why we drink, what is making that drink so special and how is it benefiting us in the long run. I know for me all I was creating was a terrible role model for my children (I truly believe no children should be in the presence of alcohol but that's another D&M topic) and what I loathed the most was how I was being fit and healthy all week only to sabotage my weekends and feel awful recovering from a hang over for 2-3 days.
So no more for me and I hope you too can join me and share with me your days on whatever social media platform you are on and tag me #danidetoxdecember.
Any other questions or for more one-on-one support with me join us over at my Dani & Co. Facebook page or Instagram.
See you soon my sober friend.
xxDani
]]>My healthy lifestyle wasn't an overnight success. It still isn't today, I also fall from time to time. May it be financial pressures, emotional stress, grieving etc... I takes hard work to maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle and most importantly consistency.
It took a lot of Tim Tams and potato chips to get me to finally kick my bad habits, stop feeling sorry for myself and make healthy habits and changes
I met Amelia 2 years ago when we created my Time Saver Program with Voome. She was co-owner of the 12WBT and is a Fitness & Nutrition Expert, TV presenter, Trainer & Blogger passionate about helping women lead healthy and fulfilled lives.
She is also a SUPER Mum of four under 6yo, and knows all too well how a Mum's health impacts the whole family.
Go check her out, Amelia AMAZING!!!
Happy Tuesday.
xxDani
]]>Food has played a vital role in my health in return teaching our children that eating healthy gives you more of an opportunity to have a healthy body. So here are some of my tips on how my kids live a 80/20 healthy lifestyle;
Always make it fun and have them experiment and explore with flavours, textures, quantities and smell. Let them choose the ingredients when you go shopping.
We sometimes have colour-themed foods where we grab red cherries, tomatoes, red apples, capsicums, strawberries and dress in that colour and talk about the nutritional value of each foods and create a dish with each ingredient.
We also have our “around the world” family nights where we pick a country and same thing applies above, we dress in that culture, history facts, learn a few of their key words, cook their cuisine.
Always make it fun and have them experiment and explore with flavours, textures, quantities and smell. Let them choose the ingredients when you go shopping.
We sometimes have colour-themed foods where we grab red cherries, tomatoes, red apples, capsicums, strawberries and dress in that colour and talk about the nutritional value of each foods and create a dish with each ingredient.
We also have our “around the world” family nights where we pick a country and same thing applies above, we dress in that culture, history facts, learn a few of their key words, cook their cuisine.
Meal prep is paramount. I always have washed and pre-prepped foods in our ‘snacks on the go’ drawer in the fridge or pantry shelf.
Family members choose their preferred dinners for the week, for example Noah loves spaghetti Bolognese, Oscar loves taco night, Mietta loves vegetable stir-fries, Zali loves pumpkin soup, and Adrian loves my new Vegan Sheppard Pie.
Wake up half an hour before the kids! Do a quick time save 20 minute workout, or run, yoga, Tabata session or kick start your 10,000 steps.
Make time with your partner to cover you and vice versa when you need your fitness or time out sessions. Workout with your friends at the park during your coffee catch ups or at lunchtime with your work colleagues.
Meal prep is paramount. I always have washed and pre-prepped foods in our ‘snacks on the go’ drawer in the fridge or pantry shelf.
Family members choose their preferred dinners for the week, for example Noah loves spaghetti Bolognese, Oscar loves taco night, Mietta loves vegetable stir-fries, Zali loves pumpkin soup, and Adrian loves my new Vegan Sheppard Pie.
Wake up half an hour before the kids! Do a quick time save 20 minute workout, or run, yoga, Tabata session or kick start your 10,000 steps.
Make time with your partner to cover you and vice versa when you need your fitness or time out sessions. Workout with your friends at the park during your coffee catch ups or at lunchtime with your work colleagues.
Interview with my Voome Time Saver Program https://www.voome.com.au/blog/family-nutrition-under-control/
Check out these delicious Apple Oat Slices
See you over on our Dani & Co. Facebook group page where we chat more about family and fussy little eaters.
xxDani
]]>It only took me over 40 years to achieve but I strongly feel my daydreaming skills have been an essential part of my creativity and what I have achieved today. What if we actually carved out time for it? What if your most brilliant idea yet is only a daydream away?
Daydreaming to me is a powerful tool, it allows me to have a free flow of thoughts like the ones when we are in the shower singing away or just before we go to sleep? But now I find it happening throughout the day! All my creative energy flows and all these ideas come to fruition. I either document them on my notepad or pin them on my inspirational boards. This is where the fun begins, when I catch up with all my thoughts and start planning and scheduling them. Our home is full of Kikki journals and boards!!!
This daydream gig didn't happen over night, it took all those alone times to get my mind thinking about the unknown and wishful thinking. I will never forget my friend telling me "If you don't take a chance you don't stand a chance". That's been my philosophy in life for a long time and now my recent one;
Dream Big
Believe
Make It Happen
If you are struggling to find time to daydream here are some things I do to make sure I get enough daydreaming time during the day!
- Avoid your device at all times (hahahhaha) I know, I know it's pretty difficult in this day and age but allocate your tech time like you would with anything else and make use of creating your very own dreams than scrolling and wishing for others.
- Go for a long walk or bike ride, just YOU and maybe some music to get you in the mood. Or simply use the sound of nature to inspire you and being present and aware of your surroundings.
- Take a long bath and create a beautiful space for you to fall into that romantic love scene with all the bubbles and soft mood candle lit vibe.
- Give yourself permission. I will never forget my mother always telling me off for being such a daydreamer and that there is more to life than dreaming. So make sure you fall in love everyday and role play your dream as it works a treat for me!
- Daydream next time you are doing your washing, exercise, gazing out a window or listening to music. I even find being creative and designing inspirational boards brings me deeper into the primal human mind. You see it, you believe it.
I really do hope you make time and give your mind the time it deserves to wander, you'll be amazed at how creative you can be. Daydreaming about achieving your goals will always motivate you to pursue them.
That's how I have been able to make my daydreams into my reality. Spark your daydreams today and let your mind run free. Join me daily on our Facebook Dani & Co. group so we can continue to daydream out loud together.
xxDani
]]>Did you eat lunch at your desk today? Or maybe on your way to your next appointment? Maybe you ate dinner in front of the TV last night or had a snack while you scrolled through your social media feed?
Today I want to share a little mindfulness practise I do of;
1. Paying attention
2. Having purpose throughout my day
3. Not judging
5. Totally being in the present moment
I am forever on the go with life’s many demands however we must make time throughout our day to become a lot more in tune and conscious about the experience of eating, moving our body and just being.
Mindfulness is one of the easiest techniques we can try out, as it's more of a mindset that we can practice anytime and anywhere. Practicing "mindfulness" means we are actively paying attention to the moment you're in right now.
You too can choose a mantra that has meaning for you. Find a place where you can sit quietly, undisturbed with your eyes closed, and repeat your mantra for a period of about 20 minutes, twice a day.
The idea of this mindfulness mantra is to reach a place of "restful" or "concentrated" alertness, which enables you to let negative thoughts and distractions pass by you without upsetting your calm and balance.
These tools are easy to guide your family and our girls love spending some quiet time just being in the present moment.
I hope you try to incorporate these little mindful acts within your day as they help me manage a busy household of seven and my dynamic online business.
“Be happy in the moment, that's enough.”
Happy Wednesday!
xxDani
]]>Why the colour blue? It was Mohammed Hashim Mattar favourite colour, a 26-year-old engineer who was fatally shot during the June 3 crackdown blamed by protesters on Rapid Support Forces (RSF), a paramilitary group led by a senior member of Sudan's ruling Transitional Military Council.
Mattar was reportedly shot while trying to protect two women during the bloody dispersal of the protest camp outside the military headquarters.
The shade of indigo blue has become a symbol of the country’s embattled pro-democracy uprising.
Protests broke out in Sudan in late December when an economic crisis emptied bank machines and forced the government to triple the price of bread. For more watch this…
WHAT’S GOING ON IN SUDAN
Here are some celebrities that are supporting the movement since the country's military rulers have reduced internet access, leading to what rights groups have described as a near-total shutdown on June 10, leaving protesters more cut off from the outside world.
“In a country where the state tightly monitors traditional media outlets, the internet provided a space for Sudanese to communicate with those inside and outside the country. Protesters and self-styled citizen journalists used social media to organise demonstrations and also to share updates from the uprising with the rest of the world.
Some images from the country went viral, including a striking photo of a young woman dressed in white standing on top of a car addressing fellow protesters.
The shutdown has presented a significant challenge to the Sudanese diaspora, which has played a key role in spreading information from the protest movement internationally. Those outside Sudan have been forced to rely on phone calls or word of mouth to receive information from the ground, without any visual footage, which they, in turn, had shared on social media.
Sudan is literally in the dark right now," said 25-year-old Aza Elnimah, a young Sudanese professional based in Qatar. "We don't know what's happening. So if something happens, how are we gonna be able to get that footage out? The only way we can reach our families now is through telephone, but that still isn't enough." - African News
It is my prayer and wish that peace can be found for the people of Sudan. Love will always be the answer.
“LOVE IS THE PUREST FORM OF A SOUL AT PEACE.”
]]>I came across this from Jules Instagram account, she’s an astrologer and I found it so fascinating….She explains about it all below.
WHAT IS THE ECLIPSE PORTAL?
The eclipse portal is essentially working like a cosmic highlighter across the opposition of Cancer and Capricorn, known as the axis of foundation. Archetypally speaking, Cancer is the hidden Self beneath the surface, the emotional body and our internal home while Capricorn is our role out in the concrete world, it's how the outside world views us.
With today's New Moon and eclipse its possible that your feelings will be dialled up to their maximum setting yet the root cause for them may yet be hidden from sight. Cancerian energy is the nurturer, an energy that can often give more than it receives, it is our heart wrapped in the crabs shell of past wounding and programming and our fear of being hurt if we are vulnerable or let down our guard.
Sometimes our nurturing can be a defence mechanism or even a way to (unconsciously) control the one's we love, 'If I care for them better than they've ever been cared for before, they'll see my value and cherish me'. Sometimes when our natural default is to give and give and give in our close relationships, we don't have access to our own wants and needs because our focus is looking outside of the Self.
This two week eclipse portal is a potent time to get curious about the emotions rising from within, as well as the needs and wants you have that are or are not being communicated and satisfied in your close relationships. Allow yourself the space to feel what arises and turn that nurturing energy inwards so that you can self soothe.
Cancerian energy is the roots of the tree and Capricorn is the branches and leaves. By looking at the foundational level of Self and tapping in to the energy down there (communicated through emotion and intuition aka Cancer) you'll be able to receive the intel you need to best feed and water and protect your deepest Self and by establishing or firming up your connection to this part of you, it will be much easier to communicate it out in to your environment.
Happy July and may the fourth be with you ;-)
]]>“Are you the daughter of Zlatko Skaler?”
I literally felt an outside body experience and looked past these two police officers when they told me my father had tragically taken his own life. How? Why? He’s such a joker of a character and so full of life, why would he think there was no other way out? But then I also realised he had a big life full of trials and tribulations himself.
He was born in Zagreb Croatia 25th March 1947. Parents from a Croatian, Slovenian, Hungarian and Austrian background with 2 brothers and a sister. Life was pretty good with the Skaler family growing up and Dad went off to the army where he meets my Serbian mother on a train, gets married the year after, has my brother Daniel in Zagreb 1968, moves to Germany with Mum to seek further opportunities until he makes a massive decision to travel across the ocean to Australia in the 70’s (mum told me he vomited for 29 days straight and lost over 10kgs) and then I was born March 14th 1974. Forever grateful for my parents making this decision to migrate to Australia.
Fast forward to the 80-90’s when he lost all his siblings and parents, got divorced from my mother when he was 41 (I was 16 years old) mainly due to his social drinking habits and not realising he was an actual alcoholic. It’s such an Eastern European cultural tradition drinking everyday or having a swig of rakia first thing in the morning (rakia is a brandy made with plum and grape sometimes mixed with other ingredients, such as herbs, honey, sour cherries and walnuts, after distillation).
Dad and I travel to Croatia together to reconnect with his family, he meets another Hungarian lady, lives with her longer than the 20 years he was married to my Mum, nearly dies from over loading his liver with all the alcohol he consumed over 30+ years, gets a liver transplant in 00’s (he loved meeting and talking to Derryn Hinch as they had the same procedure) then he gets diagnosed with prostate cancer (nearly dies again!) copious amounts of skin cancers, is prescribed heavy meds for the rest of his life, his Hungarian partner now no longer wants him in her life due to his illnesses that have made his appearance less attractive and nasty odour as a drug side effect so she jumps online, finds a lover on the Internet, sends him $20,000 of their life savings (mind you both Dad and his partner are pensioners 68-69 year olds) she flies to London where the Australian Embassy officials re-board her straight back to Australia, as the man she was sending money to was a fraud. They have an argument, things got out of hand then Dad gets all depressed about this situation and ridiculous life circumstances, drives to his local shopping centre on Monday morning (where he buys his local paper everyday) parks his car, walks to the train tracks behind the shopping centre and takes his own life.
WOWZA! What a world wind. I have never shared this story because of fear, embarrassment or shame for my father but also hid it from our young kids as I thought they were too young to know how their Deda died. Actually let me stop here.... I covered it up or rather lied to people. I said he fell ill and died in hospital. I even asked my brother not to tell people how my Dad died. But he said he would tell the truth to his older kids so I respect him for that. It’s just taken me 3 years to share the truth!
Suicide shouldn’t be a hidden taboo or stigma. In fact we should be able share stories so we can all heal from our experiences. You can share yours here.
Thank you for reading a snapshot of my life with Balkan Eastern European parents who have too much pride or embarrassed to seek any help. I’m breaking that stigma today.
If you or any of your family or friends need any help EVER we have the best support here in Australia.
Memories will never die that’s for sure. I will always remember Dad and I going shopping to Tuckerbag (back then we had brown paper bags, why on earth did we ever settle for Swedish engineer Sten Gustaf Thulin plastic bag invention?) visiting delicatessens and filling up the pantry with so much food, going overseas numerous times to Serbia and Croatia but the Sarajevo 1984 Winter Olympics was the biggest highlight of my 10 years on earth back then, providing a beautiful home and whatever we wanted as kids, teaching me to play the piano accordion, picking me up after school at the end of our 2kms dirt road in his yellow Toyota ute and our puppy called Mickey and always reminding me at any roadblocks I reached in my life to sing (in his strong Croatian accent) “don’t worry be happy”.
Everyone needs help, you never know what people are experiencing and when. There is an average of 8.3 deaths by suicide in Australia each day which seems surreal and doesn't need to happen.
I try and help people everyday with coping strategies and how to handle life challenges as we all experience it over our life time. Life is too short not to enjoy it.
Here are some things I want to do;
The list is endless...
I can’t wait to read all your comments and if I can share one thing with you today, please tell your friend, lover, husband, wife, partner, sister, brother, uncle, aunty, cousin, in-laws and child that you love them unconditionally and always there for them no matter what. Because there will come the day when you won’t be able to anymore.
The first time (and last time) our family was re-united after my parents divorced in 1988. My mum Mira, my brother Daniel, me and my dad Zlatko in 2002.
Sending much love to you and thanks for all your beautiful wishes on a day that was broken 3 years ago....
XxDani
]]>I’m so happy to have you here, my newsletter, not to mention Twitter and LinkedIn. I’m so in love with social media and the online world for being able to connect and reach you on any of these platforms.
Not to mention my Dani Stevens 365 app. Where there is a will there is a way!
Or maybe it’s a secret gift from Instagram and Facebook giving me and YOU a digital detox day off :-) ha ha
Back to my birthday 14th March 1974 :-) WOWZA!!!
45 today!!! Evolution has taught me some things change, but others remain true, no matter how old you are!
Did you know that I have always had silver hair, even back when I was 16 as its my natural hair colour? For about 30 years, I tried to cover it up, because I was afraid of it, not the colour itself, but what others would think of me. No young person should have silver hair, so I’d better not standout. Being truly myself was a scary thought back then, but not anymore.
Part of growing older is I love embracing change. Especially the ones that help me reveal my soul. Having said that, change doesn’t become easier just because you are older, it is still scary at times, but we have the tools to help us navigate them better. We all have one chance to live the life that we want. Let’s make those 365 days count.
One small change everyday will bring you that much closer to your big goals. If change is making life hard right now, reach out, learn to say ‘I need help’ or ‘I’ve been thinking of you and just wanted a chat’. Know that you are loved and someone in your life cares. So never shy away from love!
Everyday should be a birthday, because with the power of change, we have an opportunity to be reborn, no matter where you are in life. Happy Birthday everyone. I love you!
]]>What about getting outside in the real world and absorbing some natural serotonin Vitamin D sunshine and play games! Like we used to as kids. Like we used to when we were growing up. What ever changed?
Life is too short to just work, pay bills and die. I would much rather chase water falls, dive into deep blue swimming holes or jump off a bridge.
Health Benefits Of Playing Outside for adults and children
So get outside today and leave me a comment below and let me know what fun you got up to?
See you over on Instagram.
]]>I recently discovered that breathing through your mouth is about as practical as trying to eat through your nose! Our bodies were designed to breath through our noses, not our mouth. That is a fact. Nasal breathing is healthier than mouth breathing for several reasons. Your lungs take oxygen from the air, and absorption of oxygen happens mostly on exhalation. Exhaling through the nose, which is smaller than the mouth, creates greater air pressure and therefore a slower exhalation.
According to experts, most people breathe at 10-20 percent of their full capacity. Restricted breathing greatly decreases respiratory function, which in turn decreases energy levels in the body. Since oxygen is our main source of life, and exhalation is the main way to expel toxins from our bodies, poor breathing can contribute to a multitude of health problems, from high blood pressure to insomnia and even cancer. These are definitely healthy problems I want to avoid!!
We live in a multitasking world, many of us feel stressed out, overworked, and overstimulated during our daily lives, leaving us in a chronic state of fight or flight response. Breathing in and out through the nose helps us take fuller, deeper breaths, which stimulates the lower lung to distribute greater amounts of oxygen throughout the body.
Our lower lung is rich with the parasympathetic nerve receptors which link our calming body and mind, whereas the upper lungs stimulate our chest and invite mouth breathing — this prompt us to hyperventilate and trigger sympathetic nerve receptors, which result in the fight or flight reaction.
Since our nostrils are smaller than the mouth, air exhaled through the nose creates a back flow of air (and oxygen) into the lungs. And because we exhale more slowly through the nose than we do though the mouth, the lungs have more time to extract oxygen from the air we’ve already taken in.
Breathing through our nose forces us to slow down until proper breath is trained; therefore, proper nose breathing reduces hypertension and stress. It also helps prevent us from overexerting ourselves during a workout. The air that we inhale through the nose passes through the nasal mucosa, which stimulates the reflex nerves that control breathing. Mouth breathing bypasses the nasal mucosa and makes regular breathing difficult, which can lead to snoring, breath irregularities and sleep apnea.
Noah, Oscar, Mietta and Zali Stevens practicing their nasal breathing.
The way that we breathe affects our brain. When your child mouth breathes, they lose the calming benefit of nostril breathing to their brain. Mouth breathing also causes oxygen deprivation by delivering cold, dry air to the lungs. Kids sleeping with mouth open can cause oxygen deprivation and increase stress levels.
The increased oxygen we get through nasal breath increases energy and vitality. Therefore I am learning to breath through my nose as mouth breathing accelerates water loss, contributing to dehydration and all other health ailments.
As a family of six we enjoy the Aloha Breath greeting when we arrive home. It’s where we press together the bridge of our noses while inhaling at the same time. It’s a Hawaiian greeting that welcomes the other person into their space by sharing the breath of life, which was sacred to the culture. Ancient Hawaiians recognized that their breath was the key to good health and believed it possessed mana (spiritual power).
We practice this daily as it was such a special part of our wedding day when we said “I do” on the Hawaiian shores in 2006.
Aloha Aku No, Aloha Mai No – I give my love to you, you give your love to me.
How about you , would you like to learn more about how you can breath through your nose more often so you feel even more healthier and spend more fun quality family time together? Leave me your comments below.
Happy Sunday from our family to yours.
]]>Ohhhh....that's right. It's all the amazing vibes, sunsets, adventures we have and especially the places we stay while we are here.
Magical sunset moments like these let us know, no matter how bad your day was the world truly puts on a beautiful show!
We always love exploring in the Noosa National Park (we love getting lost!) and the adorable Sunshine Coast line is always mesmesiring.
Climbing to the top takes hard work and effort but the views are always worth it. This is what I tell our children in every day life situations “Never give up.” Rest and recover but keep on going. Hard work always pays off.
Our airbnb experience was a dream. Such a beautiful home for our family of 7. We loved all the details from bathroom accessories to the kitchen blackboard (which was our daily planner) and of course all the array of books!
Adrian loved the mini bar and styling in our airbnb home. It reminded him of a Scandi home with a Cali vibe. It has 4 bedrooms with 2 bathrooms and so spacious for us 7 Nomadz .
The beautiful artwork and attention to detail in all the rooms were on point!
Zali’s bedroom was super sweet. She loved playing peek a boo in her little bed. She could sleep in it for days....
Noah and Oscar had a blast bunking in the same room together. Running outside and playing especially climbing the spider web dome.
While Mietta and Zali had their own pretty rooms each.
Not to mention loads of family one on one time playing board games, reading and just spending quality family time together. We decided to be off the grid most days and the kids had no technology whatsoever.
Our kids also loved preparing for our picnics with Dad in the kitchen.
So if you ever feel like a visit to this amazing Noosa home don't forget you can bring your fur baby too. You won't be disappointed, this home has it all. Grab my $50 discount when you book your next airbnb getaway and big love to airbnb and our super host Amelia!
We will be back!
]]>Daredevil Dads is a book where men speak candidly about the thrills, spills and broken bones of life in and out of the red zone, as well as sharing their tales of epic parenting mishaps that will bring a smile to your face.
The book showcases lesser known jobs like Smoke Jumping as well as better-known professions such as Astronaut and Paratrooper. It also delves heavily into the world of extreme sports with big wave surfing and stunt bike mega stars who are chasing the shadow of the godfather, Evel Knievel. You’ll find tales of jumps over giant canyons, discover the sound a great white shark makes as it circles its prey and learn about a bomb disposal expert who’s more scared of the dentist’s chair than stepping on a land mine!
Daredevil Dads chronicles the lives of a group of men who do some of the most dangerous jobs on (and off) the planet – and in some instances even below the earth's surface. Every day they walk out the door, they know it might be their last as they push themselves to the edge of their limits. The price to be paid if things go wrong is greater than just their own life as all have raised, or are raising, children and know very well the risks they take.
“My father didn’t tell me how to live,
he lived, and let me watch him do it.”
I invited Laura Maher from Essential Wellness with Laura to share her favourite essential oils and how families can incorporate it in their day to day lives.
Essential oils are naturally occurring, volatile aromatic compounds are found in the seeds, bark, stems, roots, flowers, and other parts of plants.
Essential oils give plants their distinctive smells, protect plants and play a role in plant pollination. In addition to their intrinsic benefits to plants and their beautiful fragrance, essential oils have long been used for food preparation, beauty treatment, and health-care practices.
Essential oils can be used for a wide range of emotional and physical wellness applications.
I use them for for cleaning, balancing mood, assisting in sleep, injuries, upset tummies, help with digestion, in cooking, bath products and more! They can be used as single essential oils or in complex essential oil blends depending on user experience and desired benefit.
ARMATICALLY - DIFFUSER (not a humidifier) OR PERSONAL INHALATION in your hands
OPICALLY on your skin - Always diluted, they are very powerful when used to the closest source of pain.
INTERNAL USE - Always read the labels of your oils to see if they can be used internally (unfortunately not all oils are made equal, I only recommend using doTERRA essential oils).
A great toolkit of natural goodness for all mummas to have on hand!!
Using essential oils for meditation and rituals is a fantastic way to induce various states of relaxation and can be utilised in many ways. Proper use of essential oils during meditation can really help to enhance the experience by grounding you and promoting a sense of calm.
Essential oils like Sandalwood, Cedarwood, Patchouli and balance are considered grounding.
Other oils including Lavender act as a natural sedative and can enhance the relaxed state of meditation.
Oils like Frankincense and Bergamot are said to enhance enlightenment and a spiritual connection with the divine.
Whether your meditation is for spiritual, emotional, mental or physical benefits, essential oils can really help to support and strengthen your practice.
Oils can be used in a few ways, by placing a somedrops on your wrist pulse points or your third eye or you can diffuse them through the air or you can make a spray, you can also apply essential oils topically on the bottoms of your feet or over your heart chakra before you begin your meditations.
My favourite method of using essential oils in a meditation practice is with a diffuser, by adding a few drops of essential oils to your diffuser before you begin will really help support your meditation practice.
If a diffuser is not available, simply place a few drops into the palms of your hands and breathe in several long, deep breaths before beginning your meditation. You can repeat this throughout your meditation as you feel the need.
There is a strong link between smell and memory, if you continue to use the same oils, over time the memory of the scent will help bring you into the relaxed meditative state that you desire more quickly.Diffuser blend ideas
Grounding Meditation Blend
Relaxing Meditation Blend
Calming Meditation Blend
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Thanks so much Laura for sharing your tips and ways we can incorporate essential oils in our everyday life. I’m loving the yoga oils which you can check out on my Instagram stories.
You can follow Laura on Instagram, Facebook and read how she built her online business, through her passion for oils via website. Who knows there even might be a business opportunity for you both.
“Did you ever consider the possibility
that maybe the oils are addicted to me!”
I’m officially very detail orientated, hard working and often indecisive when I need to make a decision!!!
What’s your coffee personality?
“COFFEE IS A BEVERAGE THAT PUTS ONE TO SLEEP WHEN NOT DRANK.”
Now go on put the kettle on or head to your local cafe now.
]]>Sharp. Painful. Orgasmic. Comforting. Touch can be any of these things. But, it’s much more than one of the classic five senses; it’s fundamental to everything we think and feel, how we communicate and bond, and whether or not we catch a cold.
It all starts in the bottom layer of our skin. There, a series of informational conveyor belts, called Merkel cells, feed data from the skin to the body’s central nervous system. The body then responds with a surge of hormones. And, if you’re receiving the right kind of touch — as opposed to a creepy one or a punch in the nose — you'll get a dose of oxytocin, the aptly named “cuddle hormone.”
It's natural, provides comfort and studies have proven a loving touch helps stressful situations. Thanks Refinery 29 for these amazing facts.
For instance, if a celebrity is spotted holding hands with someone, society automatically assumes the pair is together.
While simple, holding someone’s hand in public, soberly, makes a declaration. It either says you’re together, you have a close relationship or you support what the other person is doing. And humans like to make statements.
We wear graphic t-shirts, post Facebook statuses and tweet our point-of-views. It makes our existence known, and therefore relevant.
If you’ve been MIA for the past three years and haven’t heard about the “Fifty Shades Of Grey” phenomenon, then you should know that, sometimes, people like to feel dominated.
Some people like when others are in charge and making decisions. Although handholding is nowhere close to handcuffing, the person with his or her hand on top, the dominant hand, usually has control.
Whether he or she means to or not, in that moment, his or her body language demonstrates a physical control of you. Which, hey, for some people, that’s kind of hot.
Skin to skin contact is the best way to release and absorb heat -- whether you forget your gloves on a brisk winter walk through the park or your apartment building decided you didn’t need heat for the month of February.
Whose hand did you hold when your 8-year-old self got her ears pierced? Was your dad in the delivery room bravely holding your mom's hand as she brought you into the world?
Did you hold your middle school boyfriend's hand while you struggled to make it through the entirety of "The Hills Have Eyes"? (Or were you too busy being a teenager and making out in the back row?)
You automatically reach for your face if you accidentally walk into a door and try to release the stress in your shoulders after a long day hunched over your computer at work.
We’ve been programmed to see pressure as a slight, sometimes temporary, relief from pain.
And, when you think about it, someone holding your hand provides a very light form of pressure. Scientists at Johns Hopkins University found when you place pressure on the "fleshy area between the thumb and forefinger," headaches, dental pain and anxiety can decrease.
So, when your hand is wrapped in someone else’s, his or her palm provides a similar pressure, potentially providing relief from any minor physical or mental pain you might be feeling.
Sea otters do it. Penguins do it. Even elephants do it, albeit they have to use their trunks.
There’s a reason your mom was probably the first person who held your little hand. She’s the one who birthed you, the person who provided you with nourishment, warmth and a safe place to rest your head. Thanks Elite Daily for these tips.
SO GO ON! Hold someone's hand to day. You will never know how much of an impact you will be making.
"I want you to be the
only hand I will
ever hold."
What a woman. She's a former Australian and World number 4 tennis champion, same Serbo Croatian mix like me and what a true survivor. Such an inspiration to many and how courageous is Jelena Dokic? Sharing her horrendous childhood story and chaotic professional tennis career with the world. Jelena takes 5 minutes with us today to talk about Fitness and Food and her depression and suicidal thoughts in her latest UNBREAKABLE autobiography.
Give Jelena a warm Dani & Co. welcome.
1. What fitness activity do you schedule into your daily routine to keep healthy?
I have had some health issues in the last few years and because of that some weight problems. I couldn't exercise for a while. But I am getting back to normal now. I try to exercise whenever I can. I love to run and I still try to get on court sometimes and have a hit. I also go to the gym and I love to go on long walks.
2. Describe your dream meal - what could we expect to find on your plate?
I am not sure I about a dream meal. Too hard to pick :))) but I love Italian and Eastern European cuisine and Balkan cuisine.
3. Who’s your go to style icon - who have you always admired for their style, and why?
I love the style of Olivia Palermo, Jessica Alba and Emily Ratajkowski. Stylish, elegant and understated sexy.
4. What’s a childhood habit or mannerism that has followed you into adulthood?
I don't really have too many habits from my childhood.
5. Name three things you can’t leave the house without and why?
I can't leave the house without my phone, wallet and keys.
Now onto her incredibly raw and painful book. If you want happy feel good vibes and have a laugh, this book will not provide this for you. I ask Jelena some questions about her childhood and reference her book, the rest you will need to read for yourself. It will make you cry, it will make you angry but above all, it will uplift. you.
1. How does it feel reliving your story over and over again with all the journalists that have been interviewing you during your book launch?
It hasn't been too difficult talking to the media and everyone on my book tour because I have gone thru the tough process of dealing with all of this for more than 20 years and also it was a lot tougher during the writing process of my book than now talking about it. Also I want to talk about everything and be very open and honest just like I am in my book.
2. Being from Yugoslav parents myself I know our family rule was never to share our private family matters with anyone. At what point (or can you trace the exact moment) when you decided to share your story?
I always knew I was going to share my story as I always wanted to get it out there exactly what my life was like and I knew I could help people by telling my story.
3. What have you done or can you share steps you’ve taken to see the good out of your childhood experience.
I gotta be honest I have not taken anything good out of my childhood. I had a horrible childhood and I almost took my own life because of everything that I went thru.
4. Can you share what you are doing now and your plans for the future
Commentary for Channel 7, Tennis Australia and Foxtel. Motivational speaking, column writing and brand ambassador. I am hoping to also start my own foundation next year.
Big love and thanks to Jelena for taking time to share her painful and trying story with us. I know how it can be, being raised from a Former Yugoslavia background myself, a war stricken country (all my surviving family live in Croatia and Serbia, it’s just Mum and my brother here in Australia), along with the racial critism that comes with not being an Australian. So, I commend Jelena for sharing her traumatic story.
Connect with Jelena Dokic on her Instagram page, she would love to hear from you.
The most positive thing I found from Jelena’s childhood tennis career is this book and being able to share it with the world. Can you just imagine how many other people are currently in similar situations and don’t know where to turn. This book may help other lives currently experiencing domestic violence distress. If you know anyone who is experiencing depression or domestic violence, please contact Beyond Blue or White Ribbon.
This is an example of why I’m here, sharing people’s stories connecting one another and providing a positive support network.
Here are some of Jelena’s favorite quotes to kick start your week;
"UNTIL YOU ARE BROKEN,
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE MADE OF.
IT GIVES YOU THE ABILITY TO BUILD YOURSELF
ALL OVER AGAIN, BUT STRONGER THAN EVER."
"IF I FALL, I WILL GET BACK UP.
IF I AM BEATEN, I WILL RETURN."
It’s so great to be able to take the family away on a mini getaway to one of the world’s most prestigious beaches in Australia. Just the other day I read the Whitsundays topped the list for the fourth year running with many Queensland beaches dominating the top 10.
How can it not be? The water temperature was between 25-28C degrees, the weather was pleasant and mild, never changing and stayed consistent until we went to bed at 27C degrees. Then we would wake up with our locals at 6am and it was 26C degrees again. Pure magic. Slight drizzle on occassions to get us cool and wet and then it was back to magic blue skies and fun times!
Besides there are endless swimming pools surrounding our every move and not to mention the divine Catseye Beach.
For kids it was all about adventure! so when I told them about Hamilton Island’s Quads for Kids they were over the moon. They are total adrenalin junkies and with this short, child-friendly quad circuit it was the perfect morning activity.
Check out their driving skills and rising dust on my camera ha ha
That's what travel is all about for me and our family. FUN! We had the best family fun time, not only did the kids get to snorkel, kayak, stand up paddle board, play table tennis, ten pin bowling but we also enjoyed a beautiful picnic on Whitehaven beach.
The Cruise Whitsundays Whitehaven beach picnic was an absolute dream, it even catered for our new plant based lifestyle. Just check out this delicious veggie burger Noah enjoyed with an array of chickpea, noodles and green salsa pasta salads. Super tasty!
Adrian and I were even able to fit in some romantic time alone while the kids were exploring the rock pools around us.
Not to mention the following day another sensational day out with the Cruise Whitsundays crew checking out the Great Barrier Reef tour. The kids saw turtles, spectacular coral and colorful fish, sting rays and schools of fish. We didn't have much luck finding Nemo, never the less this was one experience they couldn't stop raving about. As they said it was a "once in a lifetime opportunity" to see this magical place and I was super chuffed I was able to help them check this off their "places to go" around the world.
We seriously couldn't get enough of this place! There's so much to do, eating breakfast with the koala's, hiking, walking, exploring etc... I am sure you will find this place as exciting and adventurous as much as we did. Plan and book your next holiday in advance; I booked my flights through Virgin Australia and so should you to build and create your family memories that will last forever. For those that missed our daily Instagram stories I have captured them in my Youtube gallery as well, however page further down to watch all the funny moments in our day.
You will even see a video where Adrian proposed to me 14 years ago on the Marina and where the kids look out and we talked about how Daddy proposed and how our young Nomadz6 family story began right here, in Hamilton Island.
Day 1
Hamilton Island Family Getaway
Day 2
Dream family holiday with Cruise Whitsunday - Whitehaven Beach
Day 3
Awesome Great Barrier Reef with Cruise Whitsunday
Day 4
Hamilton Island best family holiday and vegan surprise at Manta Ray Restaurant
Day 5
The great Hamilton Island family holiday and delicious vegan food at TAKO and Sails Restaurant
Day 6
What an epic Hamilton Island Family Holiday
I don't think I need to convince you anymore to visit this slice of paradise. You will honestly feel so rejuvenated as soon as you step off the plane. You will escape the everyday life you left behind only to spend quality time re-connecting with your family and friends (plus the buggies are a whole heap of fun too!) AND I assure you, you will make any excuse under the sun to come back to visit this place again.
There is always something new to do here and my next dream weekend getaway is at least 3 nights at the Qualia Resort. Remember Mum and Dad need some romancing with the stones as well. DREAM BIG I say, you know that my mantra. YOU are the only one that can make your dreams come true.
SO GO AHEAD! BOOK TODAY!!!!!!!
It's also a good time for me to clear my head, as a busy mum of 4 I'll often take a mini working/getaway trip (up to 2-3 times per year) which I used to think was selfish, until I established it was called self love.
I experience very rare "me time" and "sleep in" moments being a stay at home mum these past 10 years....so these hotel sheets make it easy for me chillax.
I checked out loads of hotels for my Sydney stay online, and ways I can use my Qantas Frequent Flyer points that I earned through using my American Express Qantas Discover Card. Then I can use my points to book travel, experiences, car hire and a range of other benefits, through the Qantas Frequent Flyer website.
American Express Qantas Frequent Flyers
So when I saw The Shangri-La when booking my hotel with points, I was instantly transported to the last time we went as a family. Such fond memories cruising on the Carnival Spirit a couple of months ago, truly an amazing family experience our kids will never forget.
Shangri-La Sydney Pre drinks at The Horizon Bar
The Horizon Bar Shangri-La Sydney Dani Stevens
Since I’ve made the switch to how I pay for my everyday expenses using my American Express card instead of cash or my debit card, I’ve been watching the reward points stack up. AND, with a family of six to house, feed, clothe, educate and entertain – you can imagine I give myself and my Amex a daily workout.
I also booked a couple of days of hire car to get me around Sydney for my photoshoot. I simply logged onto the Qantas app on my iPhone, scrolled for the car and booked it. Super easy, no credit card numbers to enter or cash hassles, just using my Qantas Frequent Flyer points I've racked up with my American Express card from my everyday shopping.
American Express Car Hire
I love exploring Sydney and we did a quick pit stop for a photoshoot at one of Australia's most iconic beaches, Bondi.....
Icebergs is always a great backdrop and so breathtaking...
Icebergs Sydney Sydney
I can't wait next time we come to Sydney so it's not as rushed. I adore travelling and visiting new places!!!! But sometimes would love to just stay and not have such a jam packed schedule.
During my stay in Sydney I also used my American Express card, so I could collect more points and to continue all the card benefits so I can come back and do it all over again.
Travel healthy food Dani Stevens
Unlike other rewards schemes, you don’t need to search high and low for a store that will actually honour your points! With my Card, I just make the purchase as usual and redeem my rewards through my American Express Qantas Frequent Flyer online account.
Here’s a tip, visit americanexpress.com.au now to make a start! I bet you’ll be redeeming points through your account or at the checkout of the likes of DJ’s, Woolworths and Ticketmaster like me, soon!
How about you? How do you reward yourself when you achieve your personal goals or need some time out?
XxDani
]]>You’ve gotta shop to shop right? Then kiss and enjoy the special family moments.
https://twitter.com/DaniStevens365/status/783162297808199681
With the hacks below, I’ll show you clever ways the American Express Membership Rewards program can help you achieve that little bit extra through your points!
Tip 1: Use your American Express for all of your admin expenses to see your points rack up! Every day I use my American Express card for my bills, I no longer use BPay as most credit card providers don’t pay any points, so setting up this up for my online shopping enables me to earn the same purchase in-store, gold!!!! I also use it for my day to day expenses including groceries, filling up at the petrol station or using my Apple Pay for my weekly boxing session. Using my American Express on the everyday expenses is one simple way I am able to watch my points grow, meaning I have more to spend on trips away with the family, spoiling the kids or indulging in my own personal shopping.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BKVGnY6BGL1/
Tip 2: Link your corporate card to your account When I used to work for Telstra, I used to link my corporate card so that enabled me to earn points for personal use from business purchases. I know, brilliant, right? You know me, if you don’t ask you will never know.
Tip 3: Use PayPal to earn points when you can’t use your American Express It’s like my PayPal account, I have made the switch and use my American Express card to pay for my online transactions (I recently bought Chef Sam Gowing’s The Healing Feeling latest cook book). On occasions where some places don’t accept American Express, I love this option as I flip over to their PayPal and it’s a win-win for every one!
https://twitter.com/DaniStevens365/status/777647908854206465
Tip 4: Pick up the bill! Same with when we go out for dinner, I’m always offering to pay via my American Express card and people simply pay me their portion of the bill. Not only do I get to earn their potential points, but I also get to enjoy the cashback offers for Card Members too at participating restaurants. There you have it – my top tips for making the most of your rewards and earning your points!
I hope you find these tips handy as I am all about sharing the love. Which reminds me. If you refer a partner, friend or family member American Express offer bonus points for the referral too. Now that’s more motivation for you! Also some cards allow you a Supplementary Card for family members at no extra cost, so you can pool together and both enjoy the rewards!
]]>We all know mums are among the busiest people on the planet, so when I discover something that makes my life easier to manage I’m always really thrilled.
That’s how I feel about Amex with Apple Pay – it’s a revolutionary new way to shop that means I can travel lighter and pay faster, so there’s no need to slow down my frantic day-to-day activities! I love working with Amex and here’s how they can make life easier for you too: you can use Apple Pay with your Amex card to purchase all the goodies and essentials that make up the things you’re passionate about. Whether it be food, fashion, books, makeup, clothing or household items, it’s all too easy. You don’t even need to take your wallet with you – all you need is your iPhone!
So, not only do you get the convenience of paying with your phone, you can also earn rewards as you shop and enjoy a super-fast payment experience. Apple Pay makes my life so much easier in so many ways!
Amex with Apple Pay makes my life stress-free and care-free! Take a look at how Apple Pay made my life easy this week:
First thing in the morning I used Apple Pay for a delicious latte after my usual walk along the beach – bliss! I just used my phone as I would my Amex card, and held it near the contactless terminal with my thumb on Touch ID. The payment was super quick and because it needs my thumb print to approve the transaction, it’s also very secure.
Then it was time for a post workout green juice. No need for a bag or wallet, just my iPhone! Brilliant.
A photo posted by Dani Stevens (@1danistevens) on Jan 14, 2016 at 1:08pm PST
Later in the afternoon I realised there was some last minute grocery shopping that I had to pick up after my errands – again, no need for a wallet! All I have with me is my car keys and phone! I’ve got my Amex loaded to Apple Pay wherever I go – it’s all too easy!
Amex Apple Pay Dani Stevens Woolworths
So Amex with Apple Pay fits beautifully into my life, whether I’m on summer holidays playing on the beach with the kids, or having lunch in Byron Bay, grabbing groceries and other essential items, or treating myself to a green smoothie following a workout. The only items I need to grab as I leave the house in the morning are my keys and my iPhone.
Payment is super-fast and - don’t forget - you’ll also receive special Amex Offers straight to your phone. These are are exclusive spend-and-get offers which you can save to your card with a single tap. You all know I would never tell you about any product unless I truly believed it made the lives of mums a lot easier – and Amex with Apple Pay has my whole-hearted approval. Thank you Amex and Apple Pay for making my life a whole lot more carefree! I’m sure there are many times in your own life where you need a helping hand, particularly for something we do almost every day – shopping. It’s all about convenience and utilising the technology that also keeps me connected to you!
So wouldn’t you love your life just that little bit easier too?
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